


Tell Him Anything, Everything

by goalielove43



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Bisexual Male Character, Frottage, Longing, M/M, Masturbation, Mental Health Issues, NHL RPF, Open Relationships, Polyamory, Sexual Fantasy, Washington Capitals, in the closet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-04
Updated: 2020-01-04
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:41:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22108786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goalielove43/pseuds/goalielove43
Summary: Jakub still wasn't entirely certain how it happened, but somewhere between being the rookie on the team and becoming one of the more prominent members of it, he'd managed to fall for someone he absolutely shouldn't have. It was one thing to think of TJ in the middle of the night when his dreams got the better of him and he woke aching and desperate, also one thing to let his mind wander in all the ridiculous little ways it had managed with quite a few guys over the years. It was another entirely to find himself seeking TJ out the way he was. This part - this very dangerous part - had started last month at one of Ovie's Monday night football events.
Relationships: Lauren Cosgrove/T. J. Oshie, T.J. Oshie/Jakub Vrana
Comments: 6
Kudos: 43





	Tell Him Anything, Everything

**Author's Note:**

> Nothing's real. I have no idea where this went as it was not supposed to go where it did... at all. I'm not really happy with it, but here it is.

Jakub still wasn't entirely certain how it happened, but somewhere between being the rookie on the team and becoming one of the more prominent members of it, he'd managed to fall for someone he absolutely shouldn't have. It was one thing to think of TJ in the middle of the night when his dreams got the better of him and he woke aching and desperate, also one thing to let his mind wander in all the ridiculous little ways it had managed with quite a few guys over the years. It was another entirely to find himself seeking TJ out the way he was. This part - this very dangerous part - had started last month at one of Ovie's Monday night football events. 

Most of the team could have given a shit about the football part of it, it was more that they wanted the excuse to hang out outside of the rink and they took it where they could get it. The whole evening had been bizarre, from the fact that a few of the guys who were always the designated drivers ended up being the ones drinking to the fact that they actually had a week off coming up and so no one bothered to go home early or police themselves on... well, anything really. It resulted in a lot of stupidity and a lot of hilarity and somehow resulted in Jakub planting himself on TJ's knee at the goading of several of his teammates. The less brilliant idea had been refusing to move unless someone bodily removed him, which no one did. Some part of him had assumed one of the guys would pick him up and plop him where he belonged - on the sofa next to TJ, but no one did. Instead he'd been left sitting on TJ's knee with no real good way out of it without looking like he'd given up.

Ovie's smirk every time he looked over at them didn't help anything at all. In fact, it'd only lit a very unsettling kind of fire deep in Jakub's body and he'd spent the next half an hour burning from the inside out, perched on TJ's knee, wanting nothing more than to act on some of the most spectacularly dirty thoughts his mind could possibly have been creating. _Grinding on TJ's thigh, letting him know how hard his dick was. Straddling both his legs and rubbing back on his groin until TJ got a boner he could feel. Cumming utterly untouched right where he sat from the mental images alone._ It had been a damn struggle and it had changed something in him despite the fact that he'd sat perfectly still, prim and proper and refusing to do anything about his roiling thoughts. 

The orgasm he'd had once he got home had been quick, efficient, and made him want to punch his way through a damn wall with pure frustration because he knew. He _knew_ he'd ramped it up to the next level in his head and knew he wouldn't be able to dial it back down ever again. His mind would go where it wanted, when it wanted and there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it now.

He hadn't been wrong. Even practice took on an entirely new dynamic for them. He'd sit closer to TJ on the bench, voluntarily sling an arm around his shoulders when he normally would have preserved TJ that part of himself. It changed things with everyone else, too. It meant he felt like he had to hide himself just a little bit more, like he had to tuck away the parts of him that wanted to reach out and hug people, the part that teased and got up in the guy's personal bubbles. He gave them more room, by inches and by feet, aborted movements halfway through when he thought he'd been too affectionate that day. It left him second guessing every single action he took, questioning if he was too obvious if he did X or Y or Z and it was beyond stressful. Having to pick himself apart at every single second, try to see himself through someone else's lens was exhausting. Was he too touchy? Too close to revealing the truth he'd kept tucked away inside since he'd figured it out at eleven? 

He never should have settled his ass on TJ's knee. 

That was it, entirely it. One huge mistake he could never undo and this was the rest of his life; or at least his life until he was traded away. 

It was like his mind and body were out to get him, a constant array of forces pushing him toward TJ again and again. He'd sit too close and be too embarrassed to move away. He'd sling an arm around his shoulders in pure joy and find his fingers shaking a moment later when he managed to let go, panic edging in that he'd gone and done it again. His dreams grew more frequent and his late night solutions tinged more with self-loathing the more often he couldn't derail his thoughts onto something else... _someone else_.

It was only once he started to manage to pull back that he realized just how bad he had it. He wasn't just in lust with TJ, he was falling for him. Every time he declined an invite his chest hurt and every time he opened their thread on his phone and started to type, he erased and rewrote it three or four times before sending it. It was as if his tiny crush had turned into the full-blown hellscape of fresh love and he fucking hated it.

He pulled so far back that he found himself three weeks into becoming a damn hermit outside of hockey. He didn't go out with the guys - any of them - and he didn't text anyone unless he absolutely had to. Worse he found himself pulling back in all other aspects of his life, too. His social media accounts went dark and his world narrowed down to hockey, working out, meal prepping - a thing he'd never done until now - and counting the hours between unsuccessful attempts to stop thinking about TJ. 

It got so bad he wrote a list about why he couldn't _and shouldn't_ be doing this. At the top of it was _1\. TJ's married_ and he found himself frantically scribbling after that, desperate to find a million reasons why he had to stop this bullshit. _TJ's straight. He'd be so grossed out if he knew what I was thinking sitting on him that night. The team would know my secret._ He couldn't even bring himself to write his own secret down. _Lauren's so nice and doesn't deserve me thinking about her husband like this. Lyla._ That one had ended the list, the mention of TJ's daughter wracking him with enough shame he'd stood over the stove and burnt the list until he'd nearly burned his own fingertips in the process.

Shaming himself with the list hadn't helped at all. The only thing it really did was make him feel even worse every time his brain conjured up something to do with him and TJ. It felt like years instead of weeks and it started to wear on him physically that he was so emotionally _shit_. 

He knew the instant it bled over too much because he showed up late to practice - something he'd not done since he'd been forced into being late at age thirteen by his mother's car breaking down - and when he'd rounded the corner into the locker room, TJ and Ovie were both waiting on him, the rest of the team nowhere to be found. He felt his blood run cold and nothing had ever felt so shameful in his entire life, not even his thoughts while sitting on TJ's knee. This felt like failure and it made everything a million times worse. 

He mumbled out an apology that he wasn't entirely sure had come out in English, stuffing things into his stall and starting to strip with shaking hands. He clenched his fists and tried to make it stop, but it only spread up through his entire body until he was leaning into his stall, shirtless and struggling to breathe, his vision going hazy at the edges, voices he couldn't listen to behind him.

It took a firm hand on his shoulder for him to gasp in the next breath and he almost lashed out without thinking about it, barely caught himself, hand raised, fear burning up his throat, and it took all of a split second to make a decision he was certain was going to follow him through the rest of his career, assuming he even had one after this. He grabbed his shirt, ripped out of the hold on his shoulder, and bolted.

He made it as far as the parking garage before everything overwhelmed him and he found himself sitting on the ground next to his car, his head in his hands and his entire life clamoring for space inside his mind. There wasn't a choice, he had to figure his shit out and he had to find a way to deal with this that wasn't hiding from it. 

Sitting there, he managed to sort his own shit out, something about the drone of florescent lights, the occasional sound of shoes on pavement or tires squealing even at the lowest speed on the garage floor made for the proper environment to just _exist_. It took twenty minutes for someone to find him and by then he'd made a decision. He'd sacrifice his secret, see the shock on TJ and Ovie's faces, commit everything they said to memory, force himself to see every single tell they had if they tried to be falsely kind about it, and he'd store it up until he didn't feel the way he did anymore. He'd make himself fall out of love if it was the last thing he did.

A pair of shoes stopped in front of him and he closed his eyes, savoring the last few seconds he had where he was just one of the guys, where everyone goaded him about not getting laid for so long and teased him with all the girls who kept messaging him on social media. He leaned his head back on his car and closed his eyes, letting this version of the world go as he did. With a sigh, he opened his eyes and forced himself to sit up at least somewhat respectably, half expecting Ovie and instead finding TJ. Ripping off the bandage it was, then. 

He opened his mouth but TJ beat him to it, his voice quiet in the expanse of the garage. "You know you can tell me anything, right? Whatever's got you running, we can deal with it together."

The words hurt in a way that TJ couldn't have realized, if for no other reason than because Jakub knew the tune would change in a minute. He studied TJ's face, the earnestness in it, the way his eyes held such compassion and care and he said the only thing he could and waited on it all to change, forcing himself to watch it. "The guys, they all tease about how I haven't had a date in forever, haven't been laid for so long I must have the bluest of blue balls. You think if they had any idea that I'm gay that they'd change their tune?" He imbedded it in the sentence, tried hard not to stumble over it, not to mumble, but all he really wanted to do was spit it out and run from the consequences of it. It ached somewhere deep inside him.

TJ's expression didn't change and it made something inside Jakub trip all over itself. "I think they'd stop torturing you by mentioning all the girls who want you and would instead rib you about the guys who look at you." He quirked a little smile at Jakub. "The blue balls comments wouldn't change though."

Jakub snorted, he couldn't help it. Something loosened inside him and he leaned forward, bracing his arms on his knees. Here was TJ treating him just like he always had. There wasn't any hatred in his eyes, no ugly comments. He wasn't running away from Jakub or staring at him like he'd grown a second head. He reached up and scrubbed his hands over his eyes and then let them fall back into his lap again, his gaze unfocused. "Ever fallen for someone you one hundred percent shouldn't have?"

"Can't say I have... is that what's been eating you?"

"Some of it." Here, he hesitated. It felt so good having someone to talk to about this part of himself, to have it as a known fact, but it also didn't help kill his feelings for TJ. If anything it would make them worse in the long run, having him know he was gay and him being okay with it, the compassion and the complete lack of change in how he looked at him... I could only make him fall harder. He had to rip it all away as fast as he could. "I made one mistake, did one thing I shouldn't have and it snowballed."

TJ leaned forward and Jakub glanced at him before looking at the ground again, forcing his gaze there instead of where it wanted to be. "Told someone you shouldn't have I take it?"

The words were somehow code for what TJ meant and Jakub knew it. Code for wondering if he'd fucked someone he shouldn't have and was being blackmailed or something worse. He couldn't have been further from the truth. Somehow that thought alone dislodged the truth from his throat, the words leaving him in a rush. "I've fallen for someone. That someone is a really good friend, a fantastic guy, and totally married. _Happily_ married. He's even got a kid and here I am, being incredibly dumb and falling for him."

TJ was silent for a minute before his voice cut through Jakub's beginnings of self-depreciating thoughts. He sounded strangled, as though having issues getting the single word out. "Ovie?"

Jakub blinked, startled by this particular oversight in his explanation. He'd hung out with Ovie just as much all this time, had pulled away from him just the same as TJ, and he, too, was married and had a kid now. He wanted to groan in frustration, but the little niggling thought of why on earth TJ's voice was so strangled overrode it and he found himself glancing over at him, finding that TJ was just like he always was, an open book. He looked absolutely _devastated_ and Jakub found he would have done anything to make it better.

Swallowing thickly, he shook his head, watching some of TJ's tension drain away. His own voice felt like it didn't want to come out at all when he tried and the first attempt was more of a wheeze of air than an actual sound, but he forced himself to try again, saying it louder than he intended with the sheer force it took to get it out. "No, it's you."

TJ looked... relieved. Jakub squinted at him, certain he was hallucinating everything now. He was alone in the parking garage and had finally tipped over the edge of sanity, alone too long, touch starved and floundering. Surely TJ wouldn't look relieved - of all things - at being told it was him Jakub was falling for.

"You have no idea how much I've wanted that to be the truth these past few months."

Jakub blinked, sat up a little straighter, and finally spit out what was spinning in his mind. "Have I gone crazy?"

TJ breathed out a quiet laugh and stood up, offering his hand to help pull Jakub to his feet. "Not at all. Come on, I got us the day off, told Coach you weren't feeling well and I needed to drive you home. I think we need to talk."

Jakub went, because there really wasn't any other option in his life. He sat in TJ's passenger seat, quiet as they pulled out into traffic. He didn't even question it when TJ had his phone dial Lauren. The conversation that followed was sugar sweet albeit confusing, lots of half-started conversations that seemed to almost revolve around him. 

_"You remember how I told you about Jakub?"_ Her pleased reply of yes. Him explaining Jakub was in the car and her making an excited sound. A few sentences that made no sense at all and her quiet question of, _"So are you going to then?"_ that sounded suspiciously pleased and then TJ's answer, that stopped Jakub's thoughts from spiraling.

"I think you need to tell him about our agreement or he'll never believe me."

Her bright laugh filled the line and then, "Jakub, hunny, are you there?"

He glanced at TJ, bit his lip, and then released it with a quiet sigh. "Yes."

"I imagine my lovely husband hasn't managed to be very clear about anything, he usually isn't, so I'll start with the basics. Did he tell you he's bi?"

Jakub blinked at the car stereo, his lips parted and his breath stuck firmly in his throat. He coughed to try to get it out and managed to croak out, "Uh... no?" Well that just made things a million times harder, didn't it? Knowing if he'd met him first, if he'd... _no_. TJ was happy with his wife and his kid and Jakub didn't want it any other way. 

"TJ, did you think that might make the rest of this conversation go more smoothly or did it just completely escape you?" There was amusement in her voice and Jakub couldn't help but glance at TJ, seeing the sheepish smile on his lips.

"Thought I'd let you do it."

"Thanks, dear." They both laughed and then she cleared her throat. "Right, so, Jakub, are you familiar with open or poly relationships?"

Jakub blinked at the stereo again, took in a deep breath as the knowledge settled with him. He knew, alright. In fact, it had featured in some of his fantasies, just to make him feel a little less shady about thinking about TJ like he had been. He shifted in his seat, suddenly aware of everything about his body. "Yeah," he managed, the single word less strangled than it could have been and for that he was grateful.

"We don't make it public knowledge and don't really intend to, but TJ and I are kind of a mish-mash of both of those concepts. There's a lot more navigation to it than that, but the relevant thing you need to know right now is that we've already had the discussion about you, on the off chance you did maybe want to, you know, _be_ with TJ, well... it's an option. Basically I'm trying to tell you he's allowed."

Everything in Jakub's body flushed white hot and he had to close his eyes and rest his head back on the headrest, breathing shallow for a moment before he got himself a little under control. He wet his lips and tried to figure out what to say.

"Did I kill him?"

TJ snorted softly, one hand leaving the steering wheel to come and smooth over Jakub's thigh, warm and safe and just the same as it had always been and Jakub wondered how he'd never seen the possessiveness in how TJ touched him before. His body tingled with it and he whimpered a little, the noise freeing itself without his permission. "I think you may have."

"Well then... revive him." She chuckled and then murmured, "See you in the morning then?"

"Probably."

They murmured their goodbyes, love being exchanged, TJ's hand still warm on Jakub's thigh, fingers just barely curled into intimate territory, just _this side_ of reasonable and Jakub realized it'd always been like this, too. It was part of what drove him absolutely mad with want. The closeness, the easy way they'd always traded every touch, just this side of intimate. Jakub spread his legs a little more and TJ let his hand slip further onto Jakub's inner thigh and Jakub tried not to straight up pant with how bad he wanted everything about this.

Sure, there was negotiations to be had, conversations that could fill the next six months, but everything in him was in relieved desperation mode and he couldn't have produced a rational thought if he had to. 

TJ's fingers crept a little higher and wildly Jakub thought if he kept going, he was going to find out what side Jakub tucked on and incidentally find out just how fucking hard he was right now. His gaze zeroed in on TJ's fingers, watched every pass of his fingers over the seam along his inner thigh, stared at how close he was to finding his dick, and when it finally happened, just the slightest graze with the tip, he choked out, "Oh _fuck_ ," and fought not to squirm in his seat.

The car came to a stop and TJ's hand slid lower, grasped firmer, and Jakub wanted to sob at how close he'd been to getting the touch where he wanted it most. His hips jerked slightly and TJ's quiet laugh filled the car. "Patience, let's get inside first." Jakub glanced up and found them in front of his home. He breathed out a relieved sound and hurried to get out of the car even if it did end the contact with TJ temporarily. His hands shook as he yanked his keys from his pocket and headed for his door.

They barely got inside before TJ shoved the door closed, flipped the lock and backed Jakub against the wall in his foyer. The picture frame above his head rattled but he paid it no mind when the next thing he felt was TJ's mouth warm against his own. He shuddered hard, arching toward TJ's body. When he came in contact with him, he groaned into the kiss, melting under him, all the tension of the past few _years_ ebbing away, the most intense relief sweeping in behind it. 

They stood right there in the hall, hands shoved in one another's hair, tongues probing at one another, rocking against each other in a way that suggested they'd both been harboring the same amount of pent up need for this. 

Jakub's phone began to ring in his pocket and the made an angry noise when TJ pulled back. He fished it out of his pocket and sighed. "It's Ovie."

TJ hummed softly, hand threading through Jakub's hair. "Answer it."

Jakub swiped to answer and held the phone up to his ear with a quiet, "Hey... sorry I freaked out like that."

_"All that matters is that you're okay. Are you?"_

"I am now. It's just... I'll explain later."

_"Is TJ with you?"_

Jakub glanced up at TJ at that, he wasn't sure how they wanted to play this. The soft tug in his hair made his lips part, the slightest inhale of air creating the smallest gasp and that was all it took for Ovie to let out a pleased sound. _"I see, I'll let you go then. Tell him I said it's about time."_ The call disconnected before Jakub could say anything and he pulled the phone away from his ear, staring at it with what he imagined was an odd look on his face until TJ took it away, putting it on the end table.

"He knows," Jakub murmured, only to have TJ ruffle his hair and lean in to kiss along his jaw, nudging his head to the side to lave attention on his neck. 

"He's known about me for years, about me and Lauren for a few months, and about how I feel about you since that night you ended up sitting on me at the party."

Jakub shivered at the memory, at all the things he'd wanted to do and hadn't, and his body arched without his permission, a little whine leaving his throat that promptly brought heat to his cheeks and TJ nipped his throat, dragging his nose and mouth along his skin until he was just under his jaw, inhaling and breathing out a pleasured sigh. 

"I wanted you to relax into me, to just be yourself while you sat there, but you were so still, so _scared_ and I couldn't for the life of me figure out why. Ovie tried to tell me afterward that it was because you felt the same way I did but I wouldn't believe him, particularly not after you started pulling away after that night. I thought for sure I'd done something to give myself away, like maybe I was supposed to have shoved you off my lap or said something I didn't."

Jakub clutched onto TJ's shirt, fingers tight in the soft material, his eyes closed as he just let TJ talk to him and hold him captive against the wall. "I wanted you too much... kept imagining things I wanted to do while sitting there."

TJ made a sound low in his throat that set Jakub on fire and he shuddered hard. "Tell me."

Jakub worked his teeth over his lower lip and then sighed softly, the sound more freedom than anything else, the little smile forming on his lips giving away what the reaction didn't. "To show you how damn hard I was... to see if you were, too."

"I was." The soft breath against Jakub's skin made him try to yank TJ closer, his entire body trembling. 

TJ's hands ghosted down Jakub's sides, gentle until they slid around to his ass, finding purchase and then squeezing. Jakub's hips jerked forward, a gasp leaving him as he came fully in contact with TJ, feeling just how hard he was _right now_. He mouthed a few curses, body openly rocking against him, unable to stop wanting what he was getting and TJ held him there, breathing hard against his jaw until he finally whispered, "Fuck... bedroom. We should... bedroom."

He took a step back and Jakub practically dragged him to the bedroom, shoving him in and slamming the door behind them. There wasn't a moment wasted between them then, TJ helping Jakub out of his clothing and Jakub helping in reverse. They couldn't keep their hands off each other and barely made it to the bed, the back of Jakub's knees hitting it and both of them falling gracelessly onto the mattress. It didn't slow them down at all, Jakub arching up to get in contact with TJ and TJ grinding down against him just as much. Their mouths met, hungry and desperate, gasps issuing between them as they rocked against one another.

Jakub couldn't help the way he canted his hips up or the way he was already clinging to the edges of his orgasm. He'd wanted this - wanted TJ - for so long that it was impossible not to feel like he was going to explode right off the bat. His fingertips dug into TJ's biceps and just as he was about to have to admit he needed a second or he was gonna lose it, TJ's phone began to ring.

Groaning softly, TJ shifted back a little, resting his forehead on Jakub's shoulder, clearly trying to catch his breath. "Coach's," he waved a hand toward his pants, "ringtone."

Jakub grimaced, understanding as TJ peeled himself off the bed and went rooting for his phone, barely grabbing it before it stopped ringing, sounding entirely professional when he picked up. He stepped out into the hallway and held a quiet conversation with their coach, most of it too soft to hear through the mostly closed door. He came back in and made a show of turning off his phone before settling it on the dresser and crawling back on the bed, this time beside Jakub.

"Was checking on you, I said you'd be fine and didn't really go into detail. Whatever you decide to tell him, I've got your back." TJ reached out, his hand gently sliding over Jakub's hipbone, thumb soothing but still making him utterly and entirely aroused. He shivered under the touch and TJ gave him a smile he'd given him a million times before and it occurred to Jakub that he'd never seen him give it to anyone else. "Still want to do this?"

Jakub didn't bother answering out loud, he answered with actions instead, easing himself closer to TJ and reaching up to draw him down into a gentle kiss. The kiss turned hungry within seconds and they found themselves almost exactly where they'd been before, both of them rocking against one another as if they'd die if they didn't keep doing it, the smear of precum between them easing the way, the only sounds those of their breath and the bed's gentle creaking as they kept going. The burning fire of orgasm ramped up inside him and Jakub gasped, shuddering as he arched and remained there, letting TJ rub off on him, so clearly about to cum that he couldn't even keep kissing. 

When it happened, it was relief and it was one of the most intense things Jakub had ever experienced and it only intensified when TJ took him in hand and helped him through it, all the way to the end. It took him a little bit to realize he was just lying there, tucked up against TJ, his entire world a hazy mess of nothing and when he did, he blinked it away and breathed out a quiet, "Holy shit," against TJ's chest, earning a little chuckle in return.

Jakub rubbed his cheek against TJ's chest, hand sliding down his side and then over his hip and then, blessedly, closing around TJ's cock. He was so thick and hard in his hand and Jakub breathed out a quiet groan of awe as he got to know the feel of another man in his hand. Not just any man, but _TJ_. He turned to press a hot kiss against one pectoral, his tongue laving across his nipple and when it earned him a pleasured sound, he did it again and again, his hand moving faster and soon enough TJ was arching, groaning out Jakub's name as he came, hot and wet over Jakub's hand.

Pressing his nose against TJ's chest, Jakub hid his smile, relief filtering through him as he slid closer. He'd wanted to be here so many times since he'd joined the team and now, here he was, in his own bed with TJ pressed naked against him. They needed to talk, had a lot to lie on the table and decide, but right now, they needed this more than anything. Just them, the semi-darkness of the room, the cooling sweat on their bodies, and this thing growing between them, entirely out between them.


End file.
